Catching up with Wasilla

Hoo boy! Where does the time go? We’ve had soooo many plot twists in the ongoing soap opera, The Wasilla Chillbillies! It seems like only yesterday we saw Levi Johnston and his knocked-up teenage girlfriend at the Republican convention while granny-to-be smiled and tried to put the best face on a bad situation for a Family Values candidate. (You can hear the capitalization when those preaching family values are spouting off about it.) Now Granny’s royally po’d at him for going on the teevee and saying, among other things, she knew he was bonking her daughter, who would have been jail bait in just about every other state, with the possible exceptions of West Virginia and the Deep South.

Let’s see how we got to this sorry point, shall we?

After Geezer and Granny lost the election despite all those free clothes, including silk undershorts for her snowmobiling husband (eewww), we were all too busy with the holidays and too worried about the economy falling apart to pay much attention to Granny, except when she went on the teevee almost every day to trash the Geezer campaign. Then there were no more teevee stations left for her except in Outer Mongolia and we pretty much forgot about her and her tacky family.

Then! In December Levi’s mom got arrested for something or other involving drugs and by early January Levi’s sister was telling anybody who cared to look at her MySpace that Granny thinks they’re trash.

Levi wasn’t the only one in a “hayes.” Once we figured out “nefu” is “nephew” and “so there for” is “so therefore” in Wasillan and our eyes stopped bleeding from spelling that makes lolcats seem like Daniel Webster and we saw that white trash verdict, many could think of just one thing:

New mom Bristol, whose name is also rude Cockney rhyming slang (thanks to roadsofstone for that tidbit, which Brits call a titbit and that’s related to bristols), dumped Levi last month and we learned the gory details from that bastion of journalism, the Star. Which all the Palins and Johnstons probably read every week, even if one of them can’t recall the name of any newspaper she reads.

Next thing you know it’s now, and Granny is blasting Levi to the degree that the New York Daily News began its story with The pit bull is back.

What prompted all this? Levi going on the Tyra Banks show, to be aired today, and saying things like the bonking stuff and, “It’s time that we get our story out there,” and that Bristol’s not crazy about seeing him. “Some days we can have regular conversations without fighting. Most of the times, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She’s in a pretty bad mood, she’s short, she doesn’t want me around I don’t think.”

Granny says he and his clan are just a bunch of stinkin’ fame whores (re-see third image). “We’re disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration and even distortion of their relationship.” That was in a statement issued in her name. Granny is neither a walking dictionary nor very articulate when left to her own devices.

But she can still winky-wink. And she can still see Russia. She can also see 2012 from her house and knows “so there” can stand on its own.

So stay tuned. Yee haw!

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Tagged as: humor, political satire, Sarah Palin, satire